When I was working with my life coach last year, reading through the book Creating a Life Worth Living by Carol Lloyd, we spent one of our sessions (this was a group thing) discussing our issues surrounding time and money deciding which was more difficult to reconcile. I find both time and money to be elusive. And both stress me out. But today I realized which one has me by the balls.
I was driving to IKEA for the third time this week because I have been using their Ribba frames to sell my work in retail shops. I spruce up the back with some craft paper and add a sawtooth. Everyone's happy. Except me. Because these frames suck. They are always scratched or have a dent and you never notice until you've unwrapped them. So I was exchanging yet another frame. But they don't open until 10:00 and I drop my kids at 9:00 so I tried to run a handful of other errands, with greater and lesser degrees of success. After a trip to Kohl's (exchange pajama pants to accommodate my ever-increasing backside), Sears (get new bathroom rug because old bathrug has been deemed biohazard by the County Department of Health), and Peet's (self-explanatory), I managed to get to IKEA, exchange my frame and drive home via Anthropologie to get the discounted knobs I wanted to bling up an old dresser. As I'm driving home and watching the clock, I start to feel what I can only describe as a full blown anxiety attack. That pulling sensation on your chest. And that slight constriction in your throat. Because I know I now have only an hour and a half to get the days work done before I have to pick up my kids from preschool. And all progress ceases.
Plus my studio is still in disarray. It was better when all of our stuff was still in our bedroom. I find that I can sleep just fine in a mess, but I have a lot of trouble working in a mess. And I've been sitting on the framing order for over two weeks. And I still need to find swim lessons for my son. And buy tickets to Albuquerque for August. Plus my friend's house was broken into and they took her computer and I am imagining how I would be basically out of business if someone took my computer or it died of natural causes because I have not backed up anything (first order of business for tomorrow - must back up to external hard drive AND external server). Tick. Tick. Tick.
Money comes and goes. But time only goes. Faster and faster every day.
14 comments:
I'm so sorry that you feel so overwhelmed and I really hope that you can take some time out to get some rest and gain perspective.
I just sent you an invitation for Dropbox. I don't know if it's the ideal solution, but I use it to make a backup of my most important stuff and my web site. Perhaps you'll find it helpful too.
Take care!
Totally agree with you on the time versus money thing. But either way, definitely get your work backed up. However you do it, please find the time for that. I'm sure you'll get some good suggestions from friends and/or fellow artists. I have to finalize those tickets for ABQ in August, too.
As we speak I am backing up my computer to my hard drive via Tim Machine. Next stop - Drop Box. Thanks Kate!
I know the feeling. Time to back up.
But you can't really back up time.
Last week, computer decided that each night when I shut it down, it will clear the hard drive. Good times. SO, yeah, back up, back up, back up. Last time I did was Feb. grrrr...
Ikea sells junk, yet I find myself there inexplicably often. Albuquerque in August sounds like a visit to hell.
hang in there. The kids will be in full time school in just a few more years! (she says with a quiver in her voice, and smile on her lips, and her eyebrows raised in concern)
all I can say is that i totally, fully get that feeling of a panic attack coming on when you realize that the hourglass is running out and preschool pickup time is imminent. it's not enough time to get anything accomplished, but enough time to make you fret over the loss of it.
ok, why did my comment post as "About Me?" scary, scary computer taking on a life of its own.
Yeah, but did you buy those cool sand toys last time you were at IKEA?
I am very much with you on this one, in so many ways. Why does preschool fly by so quickly? Why do I feel like I get so very little done every day? What, exactly, is it that I'm even trying to get done? Hm.
And about those Ribba frames-they're cute and cheap, but they are maddening. I bought a bunch last year when we were selling our condo, to "spruce the place up." The sides of two of them slowly became looser and looser until they eventually just crashed right down off the wall, leaving me with a pile of glass and metal frame pieces. Argggggghh!
ohhh I sooooo get this post. I started to feel anxiety in my chest just reading it! I love that you added loosing your computer to the mix and it didn't even happen. That's my favorite thing to do once I get stressed. And I just got my work backed up. Literally just did it. I'm not even sure if it worked. Thanks for this post. Makes me feel so normal!
I am pretty sure I'm wearing your shoes. Constantly wondering how to prioritize the stuff that matters with the stuff that keeps a business afloat. I mean, arguably, that matters - but the creative stuff, the kid stuff, the happy stuff feels like it matters so much more. And yet gets put on the back burner. God, just reading about backing your stuff up gave me a stroke. Still haven't done that either. Aaaaaagh! At least we whirling dervishes are all in this together!
Oh geez. I just read this, and I read your post about painting your room and ripping out the carpet and installing a wood floor and then starting a compost and the kitchen stinking and my head is racing and I can hear the blood rushing through my temples and now I think I have to pick up the kids in an hour and a half and damn I have no more time to do anything but it's Sunday so what the hell am I talking about. Ack! Perfect photo of being held captive in a merry-go-round. Let me off!
YES. I'm doinking around here while 5 unfinished paintings stare at me guiltishly. Gotta run!
ahhhhh. you always seem to speak to my heart...and my life at the exact right time.
so funny..i was on fb ( dang time sucker! ) and i saw you and, i have been missing your blog, and i'm at home working for the first time in a week, and i'm surrounded by unmanaged junk...anyway, i've been thinking about how, reading your blog is just about the only thing that i do lately that is just for me, and
i thought to myself...."just take a mo. and catch up with Susie, and then get back to your ( untouched ) work pile"...and i read this...and it's like your writing my diary for me. but it's funny. and sweet.
thanks for being you.
thanks for taking the time to add a little understanding and humor to the lives of your friends!
( what did you say before about misery and company? ) xox
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