Wednesday, March 23, 2011

There's no place like home

rubyslipper
Self-portrait by my four-year old
We're working through some stuff over here. With Mr. Rosen in Israel this week and a series of back out buyers on our house, I am thinking about a lot of things. Like maybe we don't really want to sell the house right now and that's why it hasn't sold. I try not to over-analyze these things, but as I get myself mentally prepared to birth this baby in two months, I'm thinking a lot about some of the stories I read four years ago in Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. About how one woman was stalled out during labor because she wasn't mentally prepared to bring this child into the world (I think her mother-in-law was in the room or she hadn't thought of a name yet or something like that. Maybe she had just fought with her partner - who knows. My brain is mush). So her physical body just closed up. She needed to let go of her anxiety so that her body could open up and do its thing, which eventually she did and her baby was born.

I have a feeling that I am mentally holding on to my home. I'm telling myself that more than anything I want to avail myself of this house so that we can move on with our lives and continue to plan for the next part. And when jerk-face backed out yesterday at the eleventh hour I just sobbed. I wanted this thing over. I want the kids to have their friends over again. And I am so sick of making the beds every morning and wiping down the bathroom and doing the dishes on the off chance that someone will want to show the house. But I know there's a part of me that's anxious about where we'll live next. And another part of me that wants to bring the new baby home to this house just like the others.

The other interesting thing is that every time I hear that someone thought the house was darling but doesn't want to live across from a school or in a neighborhood that's so "diverse" I get all mama bear over the house. Like, how dare you talk to my house that way and not value the same things that I value. It must all be part of the process of letting go. A home can be so much more than a place to live and there's obviously a lot more wrapped up in this house than I ever knew. Not to mention all of the uncertainty represented by leaving our home. I don't think we're getting cold feet but this move is forcing us to examine our own ideas about home and where it is and what it means and how do we find it again. I might try clicking my heels.

10 comments:

Judy and Mark said...

Amen sister! So good to hear someone else voicing all the things I am going through right now- and I am not pregnant or moving out of country! Hate the thought of someone not valuing our precious home the way we did these seven years.
PS: The woman I gave the "Valor" picture to cried when she opened it- said she'd given something similar to her Jewish mother- it was a big hit- thanks!

Judy

Anonymous said...

You expressed this perfectly. That's exactly what I was thinking yesterday. I kept thinking that your 1st house represents a lot of years of love, parties, happiness, toddlers plus all the other stuff that makes up a marriage. Just keep expressing yourself. It'll all work out; just not exactly how you both thought it would. I never wanted that lady to have your house for just the reasons you stated; although I did pray the night before that the deal would go through at your price. She doesn't deserve the love and creativity that you all have put into it. Something else will come up...it always does. Love...r.l.

Anonymous said...

p.s. Just love that little new one and your family and eat some nutella. It always works wonders for you. I'm writing you again because the word verification is mingl and it's telling us something. You need to mingle (when it's the right time) away from MV.

Btw I get like you do everytime I sell a car of mine. They're such a close part of my life. r.l.

painted fish studio said...

oooooh, one could go mad thinking those kind of things. am i still single and almost 40 because i really want to be single? i may not be truely ready, but universe, i want to have a partner and maybe even have sex again some day. and universe, i've started sending out smoke signals (i.e. resumes) to prospective employers, hoping that you will rescue me from this atrocious job, but being that i haven't gotten a single response must mean that i really do want to stay and be an expert on software for crop insurance agents. ?! universe, i don't think that's really the case. i'm making moves to prepare for a change, let's do it already!

and i would totally stand up for my little house, if i ever need to leave... but the way things are going now, we may never be parted...

painted fish studio said...

ps. sorry my comment was all about me. i know someone will find your house absolutely perfect. it may not be as quickly as you'd like but they will come. cuz the universe works that way, right?!

jane said...

selling a house can be so stressful. it´s easy to keep going back and fourth. i can´t believe that the minute someone steps into your home they can´t feel the love and happiness. hang in there. we´ve all gone through it. big hugs!

Leaves and Feathers said...

I totally understand, we are dealing with a lot of the same things, although we were lucky that our house sold right away...I think that bubble of Brooklyn real estate helped a lot. We are moving in 2 months, and I'm having so many of the same feelings, and it seems that our neighbors are having similar feelings too judging from their reaction. They basically have said to us "How can you not like the same things that we like?!" by their reactions to us moving, some have been out right hostile. I am also so sad to leave the place where my babies were born, where they took their first steps, where their height chart is drawn on the wall. I have to stop myself from crying each time I think about it, and remind myself of all the wonderful things ahead of us with this move! Wishing you peacefullness of mind as you approach both the birth of your baby, and the move ahead.

Inner Toddler said...

you guys are the best. thank you for all the support.

aimee said...

let's talk. this week. xo

Lori said...

Susie, this post makes me want to pull up a chair next to you with a cup of coffee and listen to your stories. What you wrote makes complete sense to me. Sending love. Can you feel it? xo