Thursday, August 21, 2008

Birthday

My brother called me today at work and completely caught me off guard. Do you remember Dad's drink? he asked. I hadn't thought about my dad's drink in years. Stoli Gibson straight up, not to dry, with a twist. It rolled off the tongue. What a random question for a random Thursday in August. But then I checked the date. It was (is) his birthday. My brother was in DC for a short business trip and out to dinner with a friend. So he ordered my dad's drink, said a l'chaim and swigged it. He would have been 69 today. But he died when he was 52. And I was 18. And I was thinking about college, not preschool.

I was startled when my brother called because I actually hadn't thought about my dad all day, which is weird because I usually think about him a few times a day. My son looks just like him. Unfortunately I mostly think about everything he's missed and how he would have enjoyed being a grandpa. I'm not sure how much he enjoyed being a father though I have no way of really knowing. I tell myself it was a different time. Fathers were less involved. Less engaged. He provided for his family. But he spent his free time playing golf. At least that's how I remember it. My husband spends his "free time" at the park.

But I think he would have really loved being a grandfather. That would have felt just right for him. He would have been silly and made up words and sang songs. He loved show tunes. And sometimes I can just picture him doing a puzzle with my son or reading a story to my baby girl. Or I'll see her toddling through the park with her crazy brown curls bouncing and I'll think he would have really loved this crazy girl. Thankfully they don't feel the loss. Just me.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love your blog and laugh out loud often but this one definitely had me well up in tears. I hear you on all counts. My dad died not so long ago, but long enough that he missed my wedding, the births of our two kids are our re-location to Nor Cal (to be closer to my mom). I think about him often and how he would have loved being a granddad. And now I'm welling up again..... anyway, thank you for your wonderful story telling and fun slice of life anecdotes that make me smile! And, of course, happy birthday to your dad.

Inner Toddler said...

Thank you for this comment. I'm going to find some kind of widget to put on my site so I can invite all norcal readers for coffee at the Starbucks on the corner of El Monte and El Camino in Mountain View, sans bebes! There's only a handful of you but you make my day. Stay tuned...

Anonymous said...

Count me in! I'm in Los Altos. And Jessica (another commenter who turned me on to your site) is a friend of mine from high school and she's in Redwood City. So, that's at least three of us. And we are obviously engaging, funny and interesting ;) Well, at least you and Jessica are- I'm the wild card since I don't have a blog. Anyway, coffee or not, keep up the great work. Best wishes, Linda

Jessica said...

Okay ladies, I have tuned back into the blogosphere and I see that you are talking about me. Lin - I had a feeling a comment from you might come about from this post. So touching. And I loved catching up on your blog. Keep me posted on coffee... :)